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sigh, whine, moan..

Apr. 10th, 2006 | 09:01 pm

I just seem to be constantly pissing people off these days. Not the greatest feeling in the world.

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Feb. 9th, 2006 | 12:21 am

Late much?

2005....crazy year. I'm glad it's over. 2006 is starting slow, but honestly, the slowness of it is due to remnants of last year still hanging over my head. I need a change, a real change in my life. The only problem is that I'm not sure what exactly needs to be changed.

Ever dream of someone you've never met, wake up, and feel you've really just had an encounter with another person? Probably just means I'm losing touch with reality...but when is that new?

Laziness. I'm too lazy to be lazy anymore. I'm also too lazy to type anymore.

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Oct. 18th, 2005 | 11:43 pm

For some reason, I have heard more than a couple people mentioning how whether or not a cut is less painful than a burn. I know someone who said they'd rather get burned than cut, and someone else who said the opposite. This was two separate conversations. I don't really get why they would have to be compared. Both have their own unique styles and advantages. But, for some reason, people just feel the need to tell me which one they like better. This is apparently standard "work conversation" though, as there are many sharp, hot objects everywhere I turn over there. Anyway, I have a scar from a cut on my finger, and a scar from a burn on my wrist. I can't say I'd recommend either. Hooray for clumsiness!

Wait a minute wait a minute...why the fuck am I talking about work? Ugh, the job has invaded my mind!

We had recently acquired a third cat, only to go back down to two. Dip was his name. He only lived with us for a little over a month before getting a tumor and having to be put to sleep. We went to the vet where had stayed the night before so we could see him off, which was very difficult, and even a little strange. I mean, coming in to say goodbye to him just before they actually do it (and even during for thos who are not me), it was just weird. I got home, had a shot of gin, and bought and smoked a cigar. Except I think the cigar bit is supposed to be for a birth, not a death. But it seemed appropriate enough.

Well, that whole paragraph was a bit of a downer, now wasn't it? I lost my focus now. I don't even remember what else I was going to write about (haha, nice excuse). Oh yeah. I have these two bottlecaps on my desk, and they fit together like gears, and if I spin one, the other one spins and

I always hear stories about the supernatural experiences, but I've never had any for myself. I mean, I'm not saying I want to get abducted by aliens or meet an evil ghost, but I sure wouldn't mind seeing something to kill my cynicism these days. Maybe I will by the next update. :-)

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Oct. 18th, 2005 | 12:50 am

Ha, I don't even remember the last time I updated this. My poor fans! And...that's all for this update! Maybe more tomorrow. Well, definitely.

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(no subject)

May. 2nd, 2005 | 09:12 pm

I wonder if it would be mentally sound to travel to a different city every few months or so, living a different identity for each place I visit. Maybe an arthouse snob in one town, a punk rocker in another, a goth in the next, etc. It sounds fun. People say I would make a good actor. Maybe I should become a life actor by pretending to be someone I'm not. Or more accurately, to exaggerate every interest I have and amplify it. When you choose a path to go down, other paths become closed. I don't think there is one definitive path for me. There are too many regrets of what wasn't done, not enough time for any of it. Embrace labels, express every side of myself. Or maybe develop Multiple Personality Disorder along the way. It beats boredom, right?

Maybe I'll indulge my fantasy when it's time to disappear.

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Spring has arrived, sort of.

Apr. 16th, 2005 | 07:52 am

Pink flowers, green leaves, and grey skies. Raindrops fall to the ground. It is so beautiful outside right now. What do people have against the rain, anyway?

Now if only this near-winter temperature would rise...

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Mar. 29th, 2005 | 09:38 pm

Well, my spree has ended. In a completely distasteful display of self indulgence, I spoiled, pampered, divulged, and polluted myself excessively. I have not been this self absorbed in quite a long time. I suppose the numbing, debilitating feelings of emptiness and regret are to follow in due fashion.

At any rate, now that I've taken care of that, I think it's time to rescue myself from the nonsense of monotony plaguing my every breath of every day. For the most part, the only thing that changes on any given week is my work schedule, and that doesn't change much. I'm looking to take a class or two in the summer and just in general get out of the house more. The first step to any of this of course, is to GET OFF THIS FUCKING GRAVEYARD SHIFT AT MY WORK. Seriously.

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(no subject)

Feb. 17th, 2005 | 09:51 pm

I think after four months of working in a grocery store, it's time for me to go job hunting again as well. Too bad I hate looking for work almost as much as working at a shitty job.

OF course, what I hate even MORE is having nothing better to talk about...so I'm going to spend a bunch of money and buy myself gifts, goodies, and Hallmark cards. DVD's, videogames, clothes, shoes, friendships, I WILL BUY EVERYTHING.

Who said money can't bring happiness?

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So sick....

Feb. 7th, 2005 | 05:38 am

I've been quite sick the past few days. I'm really not sure what it is, but I think my breathing passages are slowly being blocked. I think I will suffocate within a few days. Then again, I'm a bit of a hypochondriac, so it's probably just a nasty, dry cold. Whatever the hell that means. All I know is that I can't sleep at all. Maybe it's all the non-drowsy medicine I've been taking. At any rate, I think I'll be going to see a doctor on Tuesday if I'm not feeling any better by then, which I am really drading because I HATE being in doctor's offices and hospitals, at least when I'm the patient.

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Jan. 19th, 2005 | 07:39 am

I have been trying, quite unsuccessfully, to sleep all night. Now it's getting light outside. Every time I was lucky enough to fall asleep, I would awaken from terrible nightmares that I can't really remember. Well, at least I should sleep well tonight. Next time I'll put on my insomnia music. Maybe that will help. I should have done that last night, but it's kind of too late to try to sleep now anyway. Instead I'll just give a half coherent ramble as I wait for my coffee.

On a related note: for some reason, whenever I don't get enough sleep, my leg gets really cramped up and sore the whole day. It's really quite odd.

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